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A few things you should know …

November 11, 2011


American reality television continues its love affair with treating the mentally ill as entertainment in the latest season of  “19 Kids and Counting.” Despite her last pregnancy having required an emergency C-section, the show’s stars Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar have already continued their kiddy compulsion by conceiving baby number 20. There are so many things wrong with that last sentence, I don’t even know where to begin.


The freshmen three?

It looks like an old college truism may be no more than myth. According to a study conducted by Ohio State University, most first year college students only gain around three pounds, and it has little to do with being in school. The study found that youths age 17 to 20 gained almost as much weight even when not enrolled in college. Well, at least there’s one less thing to worry about while trying to survive ILA.


Life’s been good

Chicagoland’s own deadbeat dad, Joe Walsh, decided to launch his congressional re-election campaign early by  tongue-lashing his constituents Sunday. When two voters suggested that some of America’s banks may have had something to do with their own collapse and the resultant extended economic recession, Walsh responded with all the finesse of a three-year-old and shouted them down.

To be fair, their questions did force Walsh to confront the possibility that John Galt, like Santa, might not be real. So, I thought I’d offer the congressman some comforting words: There, there, Joe, it’ll be OK. It was the government that engaged in rampant financial speculation and artificially inflated the housing market with unethical lending practices.  Yes, it was the evil government, not banks. Who needs reality? You have the sociopathic ramblings of Ayn Rand to give you comfort.


Northern exposure

Wednesday, a would-be Class 3 hurricane  wondered its way to Alaska where it whipped up 10 feet high waves with 100 mph winds.

The storm was especially damaging to communities like the small island of Kivalina which had already suffered severe erosion as a result of global warming.

The storm also strained journalistic creativity. With snowmaggedon, snopocalypse and snowtober already taken, our cutsey name reserves are dangerously low. Fortunately, there was still “snowicane.”


Forever young

On a sad note, Bil “One-L” Keane went to that great Family Circus in the sky Tuesday. Although I have mixed feelings about Keane’s hyper-wholesome comic strip, part of me is going to miss the escapades of those ageless and lumpy children.

Wesley Teal
News Editor

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