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MacGyver’s Guide to College: Seven improvised ways to better yourself and your life

September 6, 2013

Seeing as this is the beginning of a new year here at Monmouth College there are bound to be a few new writers for The Courier.

My name is William Dula and I happen to be one of these aforementioned new writers.

My primary goal in writing for The Courier is to inject some humor and immediately helpful information into an otherwise conventional paper.

I have written a handful of articles for the comedy site Cracked.com, am currently a history major, and will be entering the Army as an officer post-graduation. Outside of that there isn’t much to tell, I merely hope you enjoy these pieces I write and that they benefit you the readers in some way.

1. Lost your phone charger? Don’t go buy a new one. Simply go to a hotel and say you think you forgot it there. Chances are, the front desk has a bin full of the forgotten cell phone chargers of previous tenants lying around somewhere. Phone chargers, according to the New Jersey Times, and USA Today are the most frequently forgotten object in hotels, surpassing even toothbrushes and sunglasses.

2. Need air for your tires? Don’t feel like paying money for the exact same stuff you inhale every day? Well then you’re in luck… if you’re at a Shell gas station. Press the button on the side of the air pump three times in quick succession. The pump will start without you having to insert any money.

3. As a former prep cook, here are a few things you should probably know about restaurants before ordering anything. The “special” of the day is almost always simply left over food that will go bad if it isn’t used soon. Restaurants make a sizable chunk of their money off of the sale of drinks; chances are any alcoholic beverage you buy has been marked up at least 400-500 percent by volume if not more.

4. In the mood for pancakes? Don’t feel like getting off your lazy butt and making said pancakes? The solution is simple: all you need is a few empty ketchup bottles and the willpower to mix pancake batter at least once. Pour the pancake batter into the ketchup bottles, keep one ready in the fridge and freeze the rest for future use. Unless you have the intelligence and motor skills of a rock, you now have easy to make, instant pancakes. Just fire up that griddle and start squirting yourself some delicious breakfast circles.

5. If you lose something, when you find it again, put it back where you first searched for it.

6. So you ordered a pizza last night and have leftovers. You want to heat it up and jam it down your gullet, but wait, there’s a problem! You hate soggy pizza crust; not to worry, there’s a solution. Simply put a small amount of water in a glass alongside your pizza and microwave. Congratulations, you now have crisp, delicious pizza crust… And a really hot glass.

7. Having a conversation? Want to check to see if the other person is interested in what you are saying? Fold your arms; if they do the same within a minute or so, they are likely paying attention.

Will Dula
Columnist

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