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Under the Kilt: The Sex Culture of Monmouth College

October 24, 2014

I have always been a fan of girl talk. It puts me in touch with my feminine side, which admittedly is not as feminine as one would think. So when a good friend of mine offered to take me out for an overdue dinner date to one of our favorite restaurants, I all but jumped at the chance.

It wasn’t until after her second margarita that she confessed that she had never experienced oral sex. To say I disguised my utter shock in the most ungraceful way possible would be an understatement. How many women are roaming around out there without ever experiencing the joys of oral sex and why?

The more I thought about it the more I understood people’s hesitations. Oral sex for a woman is much more complicated than oral sex for a man. Women don’t come with a road map when it comes to traveling south. There is no compass that will lead you straight to the clitoris and remind you that your destination is five inches to the left.

When I asked women about receiving oral sex they had two reactions: they either loved it intensely or hated it immensely. I found that the majority of the hatred for oral sex stemmed from some rather bad experiences. These experiences ranged from being bitten (which in itself is just extremely rude) to laying there uncomfortably as someone turns oral sex into a vaginal exam.

After having several inappropriate conversations in, what might possibly be, the most inappropriate places, I have received tons of mixed reviews. That brings me to this conclusion: there is no solid navigation key for your next trip down south.

That, my friends, is the most heart breaking thing I have ever realized about sex. There are hundreds of women out there, scurrying about without ever really experiencing cunnilingus. I do feel, however, that I should you leave you with some words of wisdom:

Never half-ass it. If you are going to commit to going down on a woman you better bring your A game. You wouldn’t fill a pint of beer half-way would you? No.

Now, I am in no way condoning the act of being over eager. There is nothing more frightening than watching someone viciously attack your nether regions with their tongue, and apparently sometimes teeth. Next time you go on a southern excursion, remember the motto “Slow and steady wins the race.” Take your time to explore and experiment with soft touches and kisses before really laying into it.

Realize it takes technique. It takes more than just shoving your tongue out and doing the wiggle. Its best if the mouth and vagina are aligned as perfectly as possible. This allows not only for better visual but it makes it easier for you to reach all those important spots.

Just remember if all else fails, never be afraid to pull over and ask for directions.

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