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Between the Uprights

February 27, 2015

I think I’m in love, everyone; couldn’t help myself. I thought that I could fight it because we don’t have that much in common and it’s a tad foreign to me. However cold she may be, hockey has thrust itself into my life with no warning.

Never really liked hockey. Ironic, given I am such a big sports fan. I used to watch SportsCenter three straight times knowing nothing would change. Yet there was one part that I would use to make a Pop Tart or use the facilities. Hockey highlights. It just straight bored me, to be completely honest.

The only hockey players I knew were Wayne Gretzky and Happy Gilmore. Turns out, hockey is just downright amazing. It requires skill, strategy and as little teeth as you want with no judgment.

First, the whole skating thing. I may not have much context because I have never been ice skating, but those guys are like figure skaters with biceps. They literally run on the ice and then stop on a dime, defying all laws of physics and inertia.

They are playing on a surface that for all of human existence is something we have avoided because IT’S HARD TO STAY UPRIGHT ON.

The referees are almost even more impressive; dudes are avoiding a gauntlet of immovable objects for 60 minutes and do not affect the game whatsoever.

I also felt an actual puck for the first time recently as well. I didn’t realize it was basically a riot control disk that could cave in your chest with one rogue slap shot.

They fling that thing around while making sure their head isn’t going to get knocked off by someone who doesn’t even speak the same language as them. I’ve come to the conclusion that this is why fights are so accepted in hockey. Fists are a universal language. A knuckle sandwich sounds the same in English, French or Russian.

The line changes have me in awe as well. You get several different combinations of bad-assery, as opposed to your player by player subs in other sports.

And what about the goalies, who have to be certifiably insane (I won’t ever shake the Michael Myers thing, I’m sorry). But their pads are cool and they take several shots for the team, literally and figuratively.

We’ll take things slow hockey, I really want this to be love and not lust. I’ll wait three days then call.

Ace Henricks
Columnist

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