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Open dating is not for everyone

February 10, 2017

2017 came running in with bangs, fireworks, and light shows. We were all so happy about 2016 ending, that we dove straight into the craziness of 2017. We have successfully mastered ombre lip trends, mermaid hair, and finding mates online via Tinder. But one trend recently adopted that I am really not okay with is openly dating multiple men at once.

Before we get started, let me define “open dating.” It is a marriage or relationship in which all partners agree that each may have other partners.

A traditional relationship is considered to be an emotional and sexual association between only two people.

I want to define dating as not Netflix & chilling, but actually stepping foot outside and doing something. For example, going to a movie, bowling, dinner or spending a Sunday afternoon strolling through the botanical gardens.

I am not opposed to going on dates with different potential partners, in fact, I encourage that. Go out with different individuals because it is fun to get to know others and yourself (plus, you get to do stuff you might not have done by yourself or with friends).

Let’s be honest, some may find it best to “find yourself” while you’re single. I also think it is great to do it while dating. I mean come on, you get to talk about yourself and answer questions you might not have even thought to ask yourself.

Polyamorous relationships take a lot of time and effort to make sure everyone involved is on the same page.

If you think you will fulfill any longings or be free of jealousy by taking on multiple partners, then you are probably in for a rude awakening.

Overbooking dates leads to giving weak excuses as to why you cannot meet, even after you made really cool plans to ride the Navy Pier Ferris Wheel.

Most people would not be okay knowing that their significant other might not be coming home to them, but to another.

Some people would definitely start mixing up the two men and start calling Steve, John, and John, Steve. Or, maybe, you think Steve is a veterinarian, when really it is John.

When one relationship is rocky, we tend to bring that negative energy all over. You might be trying to have a fun night with John, but Steve is calling you 200 times because you cancelled plans for his best friend’s brother’s birthday. Then, John gets mad because you are being distant and stressed over someone else.

Being open means you must control the limits of your relationships, and it can be all too easy to start comparing yourself to someone else in your lover’s life.

People in open relationships tend to form interdependent networks of relationships, so one relationship changing or ending affects many others.

Emotions are natural. Society says to hide emotions and be “chill a.f.” 24/7. But let’s face it, we are human and we have feelings. We become emotionally connected to others that we hang out with a lot. With those feelings, we tend to favor certain individuals over others because of how we connect with them. Just like you have best friends and friends; we have partners we mesh better with.

Now, open relationships might be for some of you, and honestly I applaud you because I cannot do it. I am not saying one way is right and one way is wrong though. It truly just depends upon yourself and what you are comfortable with.

If you do choose to join the force of fierce women openly being in a relationship with several other individuals, here are some do’s and don’ts that might help you out.

DON’T: try and hide what your intentions are
Don’t be shady, instead be upfront and open about your actions.
There is a major difference between confessing (false) love for someone and catching a movie with a good dinner after.

DO: get to know your partners outside of the bedroom.
Dating is one thing, while being intimate is another. Sincerely make an attempt to get to know the human you choose to go out with. Dating is all about finding out what you like and dislike in your partner.

DON’T: kiss & tell
We get bragging rights when we tell our friends we kissed someone new over the weekend, however, the other man you are dating does not, I repeat DOES NOT, want to hear how another man has had his tongue down your throat, too.

DO: clean up your tracks
Do not take this as a means to hide everything and be shady. No, I am saying be open about seeing others but do not make it obvious. If partner A leaves a note “Thanks, for a great weekend. See ya later” on your fridge, bury that in your keepsake box ASAP. No one wants to be reminded that they are sharing you.

Gianna Miceli
Features Editor

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