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Scary story: Poison Song

October 27, 2017

On a chilled Monday night when one-dollar margs are not yet available and 50 cent rum and cokes can only tantalize and tease the thirst of a “dedicated customer,” a student is busy typing away at a research paper for the third straight hour. With bags under his eyes, accompanied by the stench of stale coffee, the student has reached his wits end and decided to take a much-needed study break.

Ten minutes later we find the student perusing Netflix. There are many options from the popular Netflix Originals to other shows like The Office. The student decides to put something on that he would not care about missing if he accidentally fell asleep. The decision? Netflix’s Bojack Horseman. Raunchy, animated, and animals as characters? The student has found prime napping material.

The student chose an episode at random and decided to let the show shoot its shot. After many head bobs and eye lid closes, the fate of the student seemed set in stone until he heard a line from the show that made him snicker. One character said, “My life is a mess right now and I compulsively take care of other people when I don’t know how to take care of myself.” The student felt a wave of energy surge through their body as they thought it was funny as well as coincidentally true for themselves. The student decided to keep watching.

The show seemed to keep getting darker and more meta. A scene of the main character talking to his abusive mom comes on screen. “Well, you come by it honestly, the ugliness inside you. You were born broken, that’s your birthright. There’s no cure for that.” “Shit!” The student nervously chuckled while beginning to feel around for the remote. Suddenly, there is a knock at the door. “*Knock knock knock* Security!” Usually, the student might feel overwhelmed at the sound of security but he knows he has not done anything wrong so he opened the door with the remote in his hand.

“Sir, we smelled marijuana coming from this room.” The security guard said. “Are you serious? I literally just got done working on a paper for three hours.” The student said. “Then what is that in your hand?” The student looks down at his hand and instead of a remote in his hand it was a pipe. The student was dumbfounded. “Sir, you are going to need to come with us.” “Wait, no this is a misunderstanding. Wait, get your hands off me. Stop!” As a reflex the student punched the security guard in the face and ran.

“Oh no, what have I done?” Said the student while panting like a dog on a hot day. He then hears the security car start up and begin driving after him. “Shit! What do I do?!” The student did the only logical thing he could do, because he thought he was going to go to jail, he decided to face the car and play chicken. He stood there waiting for the car to slow down and stop, but to his surprise it did not. The student awoke atop a cloud. He was greeted by his mother. “Mom? Am I dead?” His mom responded with a smile, “Yes, sweetie. Before you go to hell, I wanted to tell you I never really loved you and you were always a disappointment.” “WAIT WHAT.”

“*GASP*” The student awakes on his couch with Bojack Horseman still playing in the background. “It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. No more secretly dark and meta shows while I’m sleepy.” For good measure the student decides to just go to bed before anything else could toy with his head. Nothing is scarier than your mother not really loving you.

Riley Hess
Editor-in-Chief

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